A Father's Quandary - Quality of Life - Did I Make the Right Calls?

I was never trained in high school or college to be a dad. I have no clue what I am doing. And, it shows. I don't think i was a good dad when i had healthy kids. Now, and for the last three years, I have been trying to be the dad of a critically ill child.

What do you do when you have a child facing a life threatening illness? I don't know the answer! I don't even know the question! My son fights for life everyday. Some day it's a skirmish. Some days it's an all out war. I rips my heart out to see him and hear him beg God to let him die. In his eyes, he has lost it all. He essentially died December 21 2005. The doctors, by God's grace and mercy, were able to revive him. Now, he spends his days being watched and taken care of by me. He remembers life before the tumor - the dreams, the capabilities, the freedom. Things have change. He has lost his vision. He takes 11 medications a day to stay alive an function. His memory is damaged. And the list goes on and on. I know God has a plan for Wiley. There IS SOMEONE that only he can reach out to. But, I still hurt for him.

Am I selfish for saving him for a life of suffering? Have I made the wrong call on his treatments? Are my selfish desires in God's will? And the questions continue in the mind of a father searching for the answers that are in the best interest of a son - no matter how painful the may be.

Bessy Widner's Gardening Pro Tip - The Easter Cold Snap

My great-grandmother never went to college. I'm not even real sure what grade she finished. But, I can tell you this. No one could out work her or grow a better garden. She had the best vegetable garden. Good stuff.

Her best advice to southern vegi-farmers. You don;t plant before Easter. cause there is always an Easter cold snap.

Penn Jillette's Thoughts

This morning in church, Chip Henderson, played the following video BLOG from Penn Jillette. You probably know him as the talking one of the Penn and Teller comedy team. This is a great statement on Christianity and sharing our faith.

Penn Says: A Gift of a Bible

How bad do you have to hate someone?



I don't agree with Penn's religious views. I am a Christian, a believer, a follower of Christ.

I believe I have been saved by grace, through my faith in Christ Jesus. This belief has changed my life.

More Pedal Parts

It's amazing what you can pick up at you local electronics store and Radio Shack. I am not an electrical engineer. I'm not even real bright. I just love to goof off and play with stuff. As my wife says, I build brick out-houses. I have a blast tinkering. But, inevitably, i over engineer.

I have a massive box that holds 4 overdrives and a compressor. It's been a fun leaning experience. Trying different Op-Amps, different capacitors & resistor, different clipper diodes has been a real learning exercise. I know what i want now. So, i'll build a small pair of Tube Screamers, two Red Llamas, an an Orange Squeeze.

What do i build next? Tremolo? Phase Shifter? Distortion? Tube Amp? . . . ???? Hhhmmmm

The Red Llama Lives

It's Friday! Woo Hoo!! I love my Job. But, let's face it. The weekend is pretty cool too.

Last night, was a great night of electronics tinkering. I finished the Red Llama overdrive clone. But, there were a "few" Stephen King Mods. Now, to put it on a case and get it on the pedal board.
I love this overdrive - deep, rich tones; gritty overdriven distortion; or clean boost. The 4049 Op-Amp is a cool Integrated Circuit to play with. It's makes a smaller footprint for a pedal. It did require a little manipulation of capacitor values. But, Kirchoff's Voltage Law saves the day. It's a great pedal. But what color do we paint it?

Fear Vs. Faith

Fear, Worry, Anxiety - that gut wrenching feeling you get. We see it every day. Society - our culture, friends and family - say "it's OK", "It's natural", or "I would be worried too." But, what is FEAR? I don't have Webster's definition in front of me so you get my definition.

Fear is the belief that something BAD is going to happen.

You can have "fear" all day long and people will say you are normal. People live in fear every day. The hospitals are full of people that have fears. It eats at you stomach. It raises you blood pressure. It paralyzes you. Fear will kill you.

But what about Faith? Try having "Faith" and see what the world does to you. People think you are nuts. What's the definition of "Faith" Again, no Webster's - just me.

Faith is the belief that something GOOD is going to happen.

Fear and Faith are the same emotion. The belief that something that has not happened is going to happen. Fear believes the worst. Faith Believes the best. We choose. Neither the good nor the bad have happened. Our mind is going to focus on one or the other. We make the decision. It sounds simple but it's not. But, we do have the ability to choose.

I try to choose Faith. I don't always succeed. Fear is just so natural. But I AM GETTING BETTER at choosing FAITH.

Paul's take on Goals

We are given some guidance by Paul to have a definite goal. He tells us in 1 Cor 9:26 to NOT "run uncertainly" or just "beat the air." If you have ever started running long distances (or any distance for that matter.) You know it's not the running you enjoy. It's best to have a specific goal in mind - a big race, a target distance, something important. If the goal is not big enough, it is very easy to quit because there is not "magic." If you want to loose 2 pounds, it's easy to tell your self i can cut back on my portion sizes at meal time. If the goal is to great, it may seem unattainable. Then it's easy to give by saying it was an impossible goal to begin with. If you are 50 pounds over weight and cant walk to the mailbox much less run, running the marathon next month is not realistic. But, running to the end of the road may be.

Goals must be specific. You cant just beat the air and hope your apponent runs in ftont of a punch. I saw that in an MMA fight last night. To often i hear poeple who want to get into shape. What's "Shape?" Lets face it "round" is a shape. And I'm already in that shape. I want to loose 65 pounds over the next 12 months. That goal is specific. There is an amount and a timeframe. It is easly measured. I have a scale and a calender.

But the real criticale part of goals is the "WHY!!!" Face it. If you do not have a reason to lose weight, save money, start a business, go back to school, or whatever else, then IT DON'T MATTER!!!! YOU WILL NOT DO SOMETHING DIFFERENT FOR NO REASON. Sorry, I was yelling. But it's true. You have to have a "Why!" or the "How" is irelevant. We run for the PRIZE not because we love the pain of running. At some point you may love to run. But we start because of the prize. And the prize needs to be large enough to be seen beyond any obsticle that is in front of us. When the going gets tough, only the person that sees the prize will keep going.


Here is how Paul puts it.

Do you not know that in a race all the runners compete, but [only] one receives the prize? So run [your race] that you may lay hold [of the prize] {and} make it yours. Now every athlete who goes into training conducts himself temperately {and} restricts himself in all things. They do it to win a wreath that will soon wither, but we [do it to receive a crown of eternal blessedness] that cannot wither. Therefore I do not run uncertainly (without definite aim). I do not box like one beating the air {and} striking without an adversary. But [like a boxer] I buffet my body [handle it roughly, discipline it by hardships] and subdue it, for fear that after proclaiming to others the Gospel {and} things pertaining to it, I myself should become unfit [not stand the test, be unapproved and rejected as a counterfeit]. 1 Cor 9:24-27 (Amplified)

Make-a-Wish

Thank you to all the folks that helped with the Wish Maker's Ball Saturday night. It was a blast. The Ball was to raise money for the Mississippi Chapter of Make-a-Wish. I'm not sure the final total. But, we were well on the way to a great event.

The highlight of the evening was this year's queen. She was an 8 year old with energy for days. (Or, at least til the car hit the end of the drive way.) She danced all night. And the band "Almost Famous" could probably not play a song she didn't know. It was a hoot to watch her.

If you are looking for a charity to support, Make-a-Wish is one of the best. Check them out with any charity watchdog group. You will be impressed too.

We benefited from a Make-a-Wish trip with Wiley a couple years ago. it was a vital part of his recovery. These are not dying wishes but recovery and healing wishes. In Wiley's case, he wanted a "normal" vacation. I may never be able to afford a "normal" vacation after all the expenses of a brian tumor and the related expenses. Not to mention, Make-a-Wish, Give Kids the World, Disney, Sea World, Universal and the volunteers set a pretty high standard for "Normal."

I want to encourage you. In this time of economic uncertanty, give. The battles these kids face are not swayed by economic factors. 244 kids a year in Mississippi are recommended by doctors to Make-a-Wish. More than a 100 wishes are not able to be filled because of a lack of funding. That is more than 100 kids miss out on a dream.

Come and Join Make-a-Wish

Working From Home

I am blessed. I work for a great company - SkyHawke Technologies. We build a GPS system for golfers called the SkyCaddie. IT not just "A" system. It's "THE" system. If you are serious about your game, you have to have one of these in your bag. There are others out there but none are as good as ours. (That's another day's BLOGing)

With Wiley being sick, SkyHawke has been so very gracious in letting work from home. I am thankful i can be the fulltime care giver for Wiley. It doesn't take a much work. But, it's not something we can pass off to someone else either. I get to take a few days a month and work from Memphis / St. Jude.

People tell me all the time i am lucky. I don't believe in "luck" though. I do believe in blessings. But, I also remind folks. When you work from home, you never leave work. I work more hours than ever now. I feel guilty about not being in the office. I try to work harder and get more done just so no one thinks I'm goofin' off. I also miss the interaction with my team. I have a great bunch of guys I enjoy hanging out with.

But for now. in this season, I need to take care off Wiley. (And work a lot!!!!)


Pinelake's Life Journal reading for today - Joshua 1-2; Psalms 37; 1 Corrinthains 3

I'm Qualified!!!!!

From todays Life Journal readin'

For Christ (the Messiah) sent me out not to baptize but [to evangelize by] preaching the glad tidings (the Gospel), and that not with verbal eloquence, lest the cross of Christ should be deprived of force {and} emptied of its power {and} rendered vain (fruitless, void of value, and of no effect). For the story {and} message of the cross is sheer absurdity {and} folly to those who are perishing {and} on their way to perdition, but to us who are being saved it is the [manifestation of] the power of God. For it is written, I will baffle {and} render useless {and} destroy the learning of the learned {and} the philosophy of the philosophers and the cleverness of the clever {and} the discernment of the discerning; I will frustrate {and} nullify [them] {and} bring [them] to nothing. 1 Cor 1:17 (Amplified)

I love it. We are sent to share the message of the Cross. We are saved by grace through faith in Christ Jesus. And, it's not our ability. It is our availability. Through our weakness, He is glorified.

He will baffle the brilliant, frustrate the philosophers, and generally hack off the religious leaders. I love God's sense of humor. It's amazing how many people are educated byond thier intelligence.

RAIN!!!!! Wooo Hooooo!!!!

I am a huge fan of the rain today. My head has been pounding. My eyes watering. My sinuses are revolting. I can feel my heart beat between my eyes. In Mississippi, everything - EVERYTHING indoors and out - has a layer of yellow dust blanketing it. All cars are yellow. Factory paint codes mean nothing. I have a choice - I can function and suffer the effects of allergies. OR, I can combat the allergies and be groggy or asleep. I chose to fight back with medications. Now, I am sleepy AND my head hurts!!!! AAAarrrrggghhhhhh!!!

As the rain falls, you can see the rivers of pollen being created. It's a cleansing rain. A healing rain.

I love the rain.

Curses & Blessings - (Deuteronomy 27-28)

In the Pinelake Life Journal, we have been reading Deuteronomy 27-28. This is the covenant with Israel. It covers the "Curses and Blessings" of Israel. Chapter 27 deals with the "Curses" and 28 the "Blessings".

Israel is told in 28:1 - "IF YOU will listen diligently to the voice of the Lord your God, being watchful to do all His commandments which I command you this day, the Lord your God will set you high above all the nations of the earth." (Amplified Bible) That is a promise to the nation and people of Israel. But God's promise is conditional. "If you will" means that you get these promises under the conditions outlined. And what were the conditions - "do all His Commandments" and "listen diligently to the voice of the Lord your God". This means that we have the option of doing these things or NOT doing them. And as with all God's promises, there is a reward for obedience and a punishment for a lack of obedience.

Today's Life Journal reading - Deut. 28-29; Gal. 6

Living Vicariously Through Children

I am sitting here with my beautiful bride one day after our 24th wedding anniversary. She is watching some program on little girls and moms in beauty pageants. She was a pageant queen growing up. I got to be there for all of the pageants after we met. It was cool. Let's face it, i became a guitar player to meet girls - this was heaven. Sorry, i digressed. Stacy's mom was great. Stacy wanted to be there. And her mom, just let her be there and supported her.

BUT THESE LADIES ON TV ARE NUTS!!!!!!!!! These moms were living their lives through these little girls. It was painful to watch. I never saw anything like that with Stacy's mom. Thank goodness. Thank you, Ms. Holmes.

Dads, were not off the hook. I see dads living through their sons out on all kinds of field - football, baseball, soccer, and every other sport. If you never made it to the pros, don't try to live your past through your kids.